just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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