you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
