I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
