We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
