don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I look better un-naked...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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