Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
