i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.