it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's