Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
