Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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