Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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