dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
