You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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