Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
