my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Who died my cat blue again?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
