when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
