I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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