u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
