Well apparently he's into motor boating.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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