At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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