Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
