Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
