Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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