My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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