Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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