I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
