time to smoke my breakfast
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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