Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.