If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.