did you get engaged???
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
