She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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