My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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