I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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