i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
