Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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