And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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