strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
