I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
