The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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