The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He passed out mid-signature
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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