So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
