Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
