I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Couch. On fire.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
