We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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