You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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