this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
