o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
