Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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