it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We talked him into tasing himself.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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