yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
