Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You left your phone here
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