It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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