Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
