I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
