It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
