I am puke
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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