I seem to have left my pride at pride
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
