so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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