There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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