Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
