Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
