the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
