tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
