i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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