Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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