On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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