Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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