Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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