It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
