i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just google imaged poop.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
