I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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