I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
