i may or may not be watching the land before time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
