But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
